Thursday, October 28, 2010

i was meant to be free...


the morning started off a little rough...work really got to me. that hasn't happened in a while and i lost it. i truly lost it...and it felt really bad. i turned so far off course, but i realized that i was able to find my way back more easily than i have in the past. luckily, after an egg and a warm cup of tea i gathered myself and made some apologies and moved on. exhale.

sometimes a deep breath isn't going to save you. sometimes you need to lose it to be reminded that the way home is still there. sometimes you just need to feel and not put it in a bubble and blow it away. sometimes the bad stuff can lead to an inhale and a new beginning. it's like a reboot for the soul.

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

sister, sister!





http://www.nytimes.com/2010/10/26/health/26essay.html?_r=1&src=me&ref=general

dd sent me this today...so true! here are two pics that make me smile. i need more sister time! i love my monkey brother too.

i was feeling a little sluggish and lonely being in another hotel room miles from home. it was nice to be g-chatting with dd and get a facebook message from a. it was a perfect time to be reminded of all of the love in the universe just when i needed it the most.

Friday, October 22, 2010

happy s*#@t

nyquil is my friend

oooh...word to the wise, if your throat is scratchy just stay home. tuesday i woke up not feeling very well...i decided to push through the day...i even met up with j for our sister-sister sushi and a movie date. i dragged myself home and could scarcely breathe. the next morning i wasn't better; i was worse! i called in sick, which i rarely do and drank my way through an entire box of ginger lemon tea. thank goodness for dd holding down the fort back at the ranch!

i only went out to get theraflu and nyquil...the theraflu quieted my death rattle for a bit, but i knew i needed the big guns in order to get any rest. i took a shot of the good stuff and slept like a dream. when i woke up on thursday i swear that i hacked up at least one of my lungs. that stuff doesn't like to settle while you sleep. i took yesterday off as well and hunkered down beneath my pendleton and worked from my blackberry. i even participated (although sadly) in a conference call. last night, another shot of nyquil and today voila! well, almost...the death rattle is still rattling...

thank goodness i see annie tomorrow! a few needles in the face and i am sure i will be nearly 100%. i have to feel better...i have a good friend coming into town tomorrow, brunch on sunday and a few other things that i am looking forward to...we shall see...

so happy it's friday...even if i was only in the office for 3 days this week...all of that coughing and nose blowing was a lot of work!

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

free the trees...






and free the people to run among the trees! this weekend was spent with old friends and new upstate...so lovely. i have been embracing my zipcar and getting out of town when i can. it ain't cheap, but it 's better than feeling stuck! it's been incredibly freeing.

i think that the city can just run you down. it feels so good to get in the car and just drive! i didn't drive for a long time and now i am loving it again. i'm lucky to have some generous friends with getaway homes. it's on my someday list...i want to be able to leave my lake house or beach house unlocked and just say, "go!" to friends. someday...

on another note...it made me happy to see these city trees getting a little room to breathe. there were workers removing the grates from over the tree roots and replacing them with pavers around the roots. i hope the trees grow taller and stronger .

now it's just time to work, work, work and get outside for lunch...this weather is insane. loving every minute of crispness...taking the long way home for sure.

Thursday, October 14, 2010

speak to me gently




last night was craft night. i adore craft night. we took full advantage of j's enormous patio and carved pumpkins! we hadn't been able to get together in what felt like months...it might have only been one month. even that was too long!

we had so much to talk about. j opened a beautiful bottle of red wine and ordered hot wings (chicken and tofu) and we just started gabbing. l is recently engaged and has a new job, little baby b is walking and m, j is training mimi to use the toilet and once he does that i might be taking his apartment, ah just looks fabulous and gave us some southern cooking tips, dd is just as silly as always and i am not bursting into tears anymore! let's raise our glasses to all of these things!

after munching on uncountable wings it was time to roll up our sleeves and carve some pumpkins! m and dd watched and gave creative input when asked...l went crazy and did a double sided jack o' latern, j stayed traditional, ah mimicked her pumpkin face when i told her my most ridiculous dating story to date. it was a doozie and each time i told it the reactions made it worth the experience. i made my little guy very suave and gave him a smoke at l's request...i also spray painted some baby pumpkins and drove half of the group indoors due to the fumes.

craft night has become a haven...a time to sit around with friends, drink wine, eat cupcakes, craft, not craft, and just laugh or cry or talk seriously...it's whatever we want it to be and most of all it is happiness.

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

burning woman

this morning i was up and doing my regular routine...i was sitting and meditating when my arms and legs started burning...i finished up and popped into the shower and then my face was on fire and then my ears. don't be alarmed...i am allergic or have these weird allergic reactions to, what i believe is, nothing in particular.

the only thing that seems to get the burning and tightness to subside is drinking lots of fluids and remaining calm. i decided to turn on the today show and make some tea. i never turn the tv on in the morning...it wasn't that interesting, but my tea was...

i had 4 cups of ginger lemon yogi tea to try and flush whatever the cause of this reaction was out of my system. i used two tea bags and the little tags on them read, "be so happy that when other look at you they become happy too." i loved that one! i think that relieved some of the burning and the second tag said, "life is a gift. if you do not value your gift, nobody else will." true, right?

Monday, October 11, 2010

to the country






this weekend started off fast and furious with xou drinks. j joined us and that was so lovely. we wandered up to his hood and split moules frites. i should have taken a snap of that. it was the perfect little meal to split and we had such a good conversation.

saturday was spent wandering the the ev with jh...brunch and cupcakes! perfection. saturday night was an early turn-in because dd and i rented a car on sunday with the intention of heading to storm king...well...we kind of saw it. we spent soooo much time in the car laughing that we decided all of the wrong turns were worth it and a few cool little pit-stops along the way.

it's been such a strong two+ months. much of it was spent in tears, crumpled up with my fists balled. i am finally feeling like i am myself again. i know i have said that before on this blog...but, really...consistently for weeks now.

i realized too that recent events did not cause me to fall that far down. i was already so far down and that was just rock bottom. that was the furthest i have ever been from myself. it was scary and painful and i know that i never want to be there again. i just have to also remember the signs that led up to that and what contributed to falling so far away from who i am.

the good thing is that i came through it. there were moments when i wasn't sure if i would. those were the worst. it was terrifying and i am so blessed to have the people that were able to stick by me and those who zoomed in to help. i only hope that i can return the favor one day. i will do my best...i promise to try and love well.

Thursday, October 7, 2010

pressing flowers...



kind of...i saw this flattened strawberry on the way home last night...i had to have it! i also had to have the empire state building being swallowed by ominous clouds, while it was sunny over the village. oh midtown, cheer up!

still recovering from my whirlwind trip to la. not sure why it hit me so hard this time. it was only four days. i think it was the killer call times and rolling back into town on saturday at midnight. is it wrong that i went right to the bar? nah...i just had one nightcap. perfection. i think only having one weekend day can really make you drag the following week. i've been treating myself well this week.

it's been nice to not be booked up. i needed a bit of a rest after the past few weeks. it's been lovely to snuggle up on the couch under my pendleton...thanks ah! i took a nap on the couch for the first time ever! it was a beautiful thing. the sun was streaming in and it was just cool enough. sigh. that will not be the last time i do that.

tonight dd and i are off to the soho house...no eye rolling allowed. it's for an event and we are just popping in and popping out. sometimes it just feels good to get out there. i am rocking, what my coffee shop guy referred to as, "dallas hair". loving it! that paired with what i am calling spiegel circa 1994 and i have got a look today...a good look? shrug...it's a look though!

now i am anxiously waiting for friday...hmmmm...what will the weekend have in store. adventures, i hope!

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

after the storm


awakening to the sun made me and mugi happy. we both breathed a sigh of relief that the rain had passed. moogs rolled over onto her back with her belly in the air and stretched out for a few more winks as the sun streamed through the window in the nest.

i got down to business with my morning meditation. i have been doing this for a little over 2 months now. i just meditate on being more compassionate and loving towards others and try to send good energy into the world and sometimes i just try to sit quietly and not think about anything...it's kind of cute because mugi will see me sitting peacefully in the living area and suddenly be inclined to jump all over me and lick me. maybe it's the love i'm sending out coming right back!

in other nyc news...this girl got glasses today! it's something i have been putting off for, oh...years...i've been looking for frames for months. if i pass by an optician i will drag whoever i am with into the store to try on glasses.

on sunday dd and i met at oliver peoples and i tried on some frames and bingo! i found them. i thought for sure i would end up with something clear or what the fancies call crystal...nope...here they are. they will be officially unveiled next week. the good news is that i am not nearly as blind as i feared. we'll see if i can really pull these things off.

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

there is love in you...

i took a little break from the blog...it wasn't that i haven't been choosing happiness. in fact, i think i have been more so than i had in the past 6 months. i think i just wasn't feeling much like sharing.

today i heard from three friends in three different ways...one was gchat, another was email, and the third was facebook...one friend, who moved to chicago, wrote that she is able to still live in ny through me. it made me think for a moment that maybe my blog isn't just for me...maybe it's not as self-indulgent as i think. that really touched me.

this friend also assured me that my time will come. i know that...i think...maybe i don't and that could be why it's not my time yet. i'm working on it each and every day.

this city is tough and you have to be compassionate and thoughtful even when you want to yell and scream obscenities at the guy who bumped into you or the car that is semi- blocking the crosswalk. ny is full of misunderstood people. we are all going through our own muck...trying to keep our heads above water and sometimes swallowing the saltiness just because it's easier than treading water or just swimming. i would like to think that i am in the treading stage and swimming is not so far behind...also that i am opening my heart a little more each day to other peoples struggles.

just know that you are loved and capable of loving. remind yourself that you can fill your heart with goodness and sometimes you are loving well without even knowing it.