hello from hong kong!

bloodshot and bleary eyed waiting for the next stop...bangkok! a few minor glitches getting off the ground today. got a cab fairly easily, then it got rear ended on park ave...no damage done...got off at the american terminal out of habit, i was flying on cathay...took the airtrain...c'mon friends...you know i don't do public transport. i really had to resist the urge to hail a cab to the next terminal. this trip is about pushing the limits and stepping outside of my comfort zone, right.

i finally got all checked in and then decided i should make a quick call to the bank to be sure that i could use my atm and credit cards with ease. well, i have too many digits in my pin...so...no, i can't. i will share this story upon my return for those interested.

onto the good stuff...so, i treated myself to first class for the 16 hour flight from nyc-hk. it was all on miles. i'm not a high roller! let me tell you about first class on cathay. i didn't want to leave. 16 hours? blink! 3 movies, 3 amazing meals that included lobster, caviar, sea bass and a hot pot snack...comfy cotton pajamas, unlimited seltzer water and a flat bed with a down comforter. it was insane and i know that economy will never be the same.

now i am sitting in the hk airport waiting for my flight to bangkok. i am a little nervous about arriving in bangkok. okay, a lot nervous!

more to come. it's a little strange being so far from home right now...far from the familiar. i can imagine that my mom is finishing up wrapping my nephew's gifts. my dad is being sent out for a few more things from the grocery store, my little brother is eating a big bowl of cereal on the couch...although, he is a total health nut now...so maybe not. i wonder if they will see a movie tonight, as that has become the tradition on christmas eve.

lots of time to think already. i can't even imagine what the next 17 days have in store.

joy to world!

stop...

but in a good way...

so, this is my last post from this corner of the earth. the next time i write i will be in thailand.

i am so nervous and excited...on my walk to work this morning it was so freezing. "stop" by ryan adams came on and it made me just slow down. i know this song is about substance abuse, but for me it was about just taking a breath and being okay with it. i have such guilt with leaving work, family and friends over the holidays. it's my own addiction to pleasing people. i am taking this time to please myself and to be with myself and maybe meet some new friends along the way.

i'm going try to not feel like i am missing out on what's happening back home.

so, my wish for everyone is that you have enough time to take a deep breath in and have a beautiful exhale and to stop...just stop worrying. it's a big wish, i know.

i called you back...

or did i? at this point i have no idea whose calls i have returned. i am trying to be diligent about this. it upsets me when i reach out to someone and don't hear back. in the long run it is so much easier to type a quick text or email or dial the phone for a brief chat. it makes everyone happier.

when i am on the road as much as i have been it can be so difficult to stay in touch. the days slip by so quickly and are filled with mountains of work. today a morning meeting that was supposed to be an hour turned into 2 hours and then 2 more hours of crafting a shot list and now it's on to planning the meeting for tomorrow.

i'm not complaining that i have so much work. i love it. i love being busy, but i do miss my friends and family. i spent my car ride to the airport sending texts to set up my one weekend home, next weekend, catching up with everyone before i set off for my long holiday.

in the past, when i traveled this often, i would throw an intimate dinner party. it was so nice to have as many people that could attend in the same place. this year has been different. there aren't enough hours in the week. i miss my pals tremendously and hope that 2011 has many days and nights filled with laughter, bottles of wine, long chats, and love. i wish that for everyone.

i love this will oldham song. it makes me think of all those that i love and have loved. if i didn't call you back...i call you back now to a place beside me. it's love...pure love.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2mQ8Abke6dg

love more

it's been such a busy time...many trips across the country, a holiday, a few trips over the east river, planning like a mad woman for the great escape, my new gig as curator, my other personal project with the tentative release date of february 1! ahhhhhh!!!!!!!!

right now i just have to get through this shoot in la next week. it's one thing at a time. this can be hard for a procrastinating perfectionist like me. it helps to breathe and meditate and set aside one night a week for me, but even that has been difficult to do.

i keep chanting december 23rd, december 23rd...to myself, of course. the thing is that i am nervous as hell! i am so excited to be on that plane and soaring to the other side of the world...but what's over there? i mean, i have been to asia...but not to thailand or indonesia and certainly not alone! it's an adventure for sure and i don't have any expectations at all. one of my friends recently told me that i am not allowed to come home early...i don't think i would, but who knows!

i have begun to have anxiety travel dreams...losing my passport, not having the hotel information, landing in the wrong place...the other night i landed in hope, china and the plane was a car and it drove around the block and there i was in china with j.

soooo...this is what's been going on with this girl. i collapse every night and drift off into crazy dreams and awaken each morning with a to-do list that i couldn't possibly finish. there aren't enough hours these days...soon, so soon, i will be checked out and laying on the lanai of my beach bungalow...but will there be rats like in my dreams?!

talking in code...

wow-za! it's been a bit since i have written and i left on such a weird note. i can assure you that all is well. yes, i had a moment of embarrassment that was followed by many moments of happiness.

let's see...dd and i saw horse feathers and sufjan stevens this weekend. amazing! i always forget how good live music is until i am standing there shaking my hips and screaming for more. heads out of the gutter...maybe only mine went there.

what else...i had a nice catch up with j and i saw d as well. we bailed on a show for some delicious sushi. all was well in the world.

i am diligently planning my winter escape. i think i just booked my last hotel! dd and i were talking about it. she was saying how brave i am to be traveling so far from home alone and for so long. you know, if i had it my way, i wouldn't be traveling solo...but i can't let that hold me back. i am officially the only single person in my several groups of friends. it's weird and hard and amazing and crazy and lonely and freeing...it changes day to day.

most days i am so grateful for my independence. i am thankful that i escaped several relationships that weren't right for me or the men invloved...when all i thought i wanted was to love and be loved. i do want both of those things, but in such different ways now. my time will come. in the meantime i am going to start counting down the days to my crazy holiday.

i am surprising myself more and more everyday. in some ways i am shocked that i have gotten this far without bailing. i just have to get on that plane and then another plane and then another...

and just in case you have been missing mugi...this is what much of our weekend looked like. i did make the most amazing beef stew from farmers market ingredients. it was a follow-up to the short ribs from last weekend. i am thinking of roasting a chicken this weekend...it is torture for mugi...that's why she is looking so irritated. don't let her fool you...that dog eats fresh lamb every day of her life!

note to self...

when you are feeling like you shouldn't go to your local bar for an after work cocktail...trust your gut!

last night i didn't have plans. it was the first night in a while that i wasn't scheduled to meet up with friends. i should have just wandered home and picked up something to eat. i thought maybe i would make some short ribs or a nice salad. alas, the bar called my name and i answered enthusiastically.

i thought i would sit and have one drink and head home. then a few neighborhood friends stopped in. one manhattan was chased with three glasses of wine and before you know it i was drunk texting. i am the worst when it comes to this!!! i need a breathalizer on my phone! can someone please invent this. maybe i just need to know my limits or leave the phone at home.

i am usually diligent about monitoring how much i imbibe. i don't drink every night and when i do drink i am aware when i need to stop. i do know that i left that third glass of wine half full. go me! too bad i didn't go right to sleep as i should have.

the rest is history. getting up this morning was not pleasant. needless to say, do not drink and text. this does not make for a happy morning.

light on the hill

sometimes nyc gets me down...i can lose my patience with work, the subway (when i take it), strangers, friends, the guy at the bodega, the woman taking my order for pho...you name it...but this past week nyc was my hope. i was dreaming of being back in my city, of seeing the skyline as we descended from the clouds. ah, to cruise over the water and be 40 minutes from my village!

i haven't had this feeling in quite a while. "new york, i love you but you're bringing me down" was my theme song for a few months. i am so happy to announce, "i love new york!" (for now.) let me be reminded of this post in the dead of winter.

i am actually happy to be back in the office today. i've caught up with dd and mugi joined me today. she's a good little worker. she's been eating lots of treats and receiving belly rubs aplenty! i missed my little beastie last week. we had a nice reunion on saturday evening which lingered into a lovely sunday and several long walks.

so what is happiness? this feeling, a rush, an accomplishment? is it an emotion that slips through our fingers? does it have to be so elusive? i love the idea that we might not be able to accurately identify if we are, in fact, happy...

here is another article on my favorite topic from the nyt...http://opinionator.blogs.nytimes.com/2010/10/06/the-spoils-of-happiness/ interesting...