a perfect excuse

that's what this weekend was...
the perfect excuse to not go on a date on friday night? i was with my friends...
the perfect excuse to not go to the gym on saturday morning? the farmers' market...
the perfect excuse to get all dolled up saturday night? the ballet with j.
the perfect excuse not to go right home after the ballet? a nightcap at the bar...
the perfect excuse for lounging around on sunday? a hangover...
the perfect excuse to wear my bean boots and a little black dress? the rain.

you ask me...i'll give you the perfect excuse!

sometimes you have to just give yourself some room. i did a lot this weekend...not as much as i should have around the apartment...but, i did buy fresh cut flowers. that makes it look a little cleaner.

here are a few quick snaps of lincoln center...it so dreamy...takes my breath away every time i go.

giddyup

exhale...it's been a busy week! lots of seeing people, openings, drinks, high line time, haircut, acupuncture, cupping...

yes, cupping. i have always wanted to try this and hmmmm...well...i feel better. my back feels more open, but i look like i have been flogged. i am not kidding. if i were to post a picture you would surely think i had been beaten and maybe tortured. it doesn't hurt...now. it was excruciating while annie was doing it. she had to keep reminding me to breathe. i have to say, i have been sleeping better since wednesday and i can move my shoulders more. would i do it again, absolutely! it is long sleeve season after all and i don't have to show my giant hickeys! i don't think it is for the faint of heart...

i am just trying to continue my breathing to get through this week. it is really slamming at work. i welcome the rush of work. it feels great to be producing and problem solving. my weekend is already pretty full and i must, must, must, get so much done around my place. it looks like a bomb went off. suitcases and tote bags exploding with laundry that is begging to be done. i like a good challenge and an even better reward...

i meant to post this image the other day...i went up to the high line the other night and there was a gathering of the amateur astronomers club. they had their telescopes set up and i was able to see venus and the nearly full moon...it was actually full last night. you could also see jupiter rising. pretty amazing.

wanna play?

b and i had this really lovely chat about being a child. remember when you used to call your friends up on a saturday morning and say, "can you play today?" there was something about that...i'm not sure it exists anymore. playing has such a different definition and it seems that you have to schedule a "play-date." it all seems so rigid and planned. kids can't really just wander over to each others homes and hang out in the backyard and just use their imaginations...

similarly, k and i used talk about how you could call up a friend and ask, "wanna ride bikes?" k shortened it to bike...but, i remember this feeling on a crisp fall morning and being 8 or so and having to wait until 10am. that was the rule...you couldn't call friends before 10am. the thrill of it! waiting for the clock to strike ten and looking at my mom in the kitchen and asking, "can i call now?" most likely whining...getting the approval and making the call and hopefully getting accepted on the other end of the line.

wouldn't it be fun to bring that sense of spontaneity back? call up a friend and ask him if he can play today.

let us be brave

this is such an old shot of me...my friend just commented on it and it made smile. i had to be hoisted up 7 feet to do this. it was one of those things that i just had to do. it was pure me...you don't scare me! i'm going to roar right back at that lion!

country road

so much fun in nc. amazingly relaxing weekend. old friends are good friends.

thank you for your hospitality b!

hard rain...

wow! what a night! i had big plans to go see an apartment, go to an opening, and had postponed seeing m due to the apartment viewing. maybe this means i shouldn't move? still grappling with that one.

when i left work it was so very humid with crazy lightening and winds. i called the broker and canceled and high-tailed it home. ok, i stopped at the bar for a drink. they have the most delicious pear cider right now...couldn't help it. as soon as i stepped into the bar the skies opened. it was amazing and a little scary. it lasted just long enough for my one drink.

i took a few quick snaps that don't really do the storm, now being classified as a tornado, justice. my thoughts go out to those affected.

on a lighter note i have my carry-on all packed and ready to board a plane to see b tonight! i am so very excited. it sounds like a nice weekend of relaxing and catching up. it's been awhile...almost a year! we always have a good time. here's to hoping that there aren't a ton of delays. book packed just in case...a very guilty pleasure book. putting my miles to good use. i think i might go and see j in boston in a few weeks too. he said we can eat lobster and listen to bluegrass...who could say no to that?

gummy sunshine...

so, so much...

i have a lot to say today...but, i will try and keep it brief.

-acupuncture is amazing...
-dinner with a, so nice
-journaling is smart and healing
-what is going on in the world with this mosque thing? ok, i should say nyc, we are such a city-centric community. c'mon people? have you seen these stickers around town? are they just in the wv? i have seen a few with comments as well...
-music is my friend right now and below is a little play list of some of my recently discovered artists. i can be a little slow to find news folks, so if you know all of them already that's okay too.
-thinking so much about those that i love and wanting to hug all of them. life is short...too short and it's just so important to let people know how much they mean to you.

done...see abbreviated...for all of us!

oh, one more thing...stripes make me happy.

aron wright to the country
aron wright what have we got to lose?
the civil wars go
the civil wars poison & wine
sanders bohlke the weight of us
sanders bohlke lovesick misery
the temper trap fader
the temper trap love lost
sean hayes when we fall in (alright, this has been a long favorite)
bombay bicycle club you already know
bombay bicycle club fairytale lullaby
mumford & sons awake my soul
mumford & sons after the storm
mumford & sons winter winds


i am kind of in love with mumford & sons right now...the entire album is amazing.

look up, up, up

today the sky was my subject. it was so darn blue! a few clouds have rolled in now, but if you go outside make sure you take a deep breath in and tilt your head toward the heavens...sigh.

same,same

dd and i walked in this morning and looked at each other in our black and white stripes and black sweaters and laughed. it's not the first time we have been same, same. imagine our surprise when y had on stripes too! it's been a silly day of us congregating in the halls and looking as if we have a uniform in our department. one colleague referred to us as the candy stripers...better than candy strippers!

this one is for j!

reflection

this weekend was my first back in the city and on my own. i was pretty nervous and prepared myself with lots to do and see.

friday after work i headed straight to acupuncture. a thought i was there for my usual complaint of allergies and was a little shocked when i told her i was dealing with anxiety and panic. she knew just what to do and i left feeling clearer and calmer with another appointment scheduled for this week.

i met up with y & m for a few fashion night out parties in the evening. it was great people watching. i wish i had gotten some pictures...but i am not that brave. i did get a snap of a little boy in his paper bag mask. he was cracking me up. y & m had elvis and gizmo with them. elvis is mugi's aunt and gizmo is her brother. mugi and gizzy will be 4 next week! and yes, we are throwing a bash. that's them in the above picture. and i had to throw one of mugi relaxing with me too. she's the best little companion.

saturday i woke up feeling pretty good and took mugi for a long river walk and then sat at the coffee shop and talked to my neighborhood friends. i have also been doing my own yoga practice on the days i can't make it up to laughing lotus. i usually can only practice for about 20-30 minutes on my own, but i feel like i am improving...then it was off to brunch with c to bar pitti and some good city walking and then nails with d. so nice to see her again. it was a treat and brought me some happiness.

then, this girl needed some alone time. i decided to have a glass of wine at the other room. i sat outside and just enjoyed some solitude. i did meet a nice visiting english man and his long lost friend. when they disagreed on something i was the tie breaker. it was fun to just chat with total strangers and then go back to sitting quietly. saturday night i stayed in and read and listened to music and turned in very early.

sunday i was refreshed and walked up to laughing lotus for a fantastic and VERY difficult yoga class. can you say handstand? i did my first ever! it wasn't very graceful, but i was up there for a few seconds!

at the studio where i have been practicing the class always begins with a lesson of sorts...or something to meditate on. i loved what the instructor did on sunday...she posed a question from jack kornfield...it was, "do you love well." when you first hear it you might just say, "yeah, totally." but if you really ask yourself, which can be scary, you might find that you have had certain reactions or non-reactions that hamper your love. the thought is that the love that you put out into the world you will receive back. i have been so very blessed with a strong group of friends and family. i love them and they love me. even those who are all the way on the other side of the world. so lucky and so happy to know this and i am going to continue to ask myself that question.

i have obviously been thinking about my last relationship quite a bit...i really am trying to focus on all of the good times and whether i like it or not, i am reminded of it often. you can't really choose who you love...it just happens. now it's letting go and letting go gently without anger and i feel like i am doing a pretty good job. i am choosing to love well. it's freeing. it can be painful but in the long run anger will hurt more.

sunday night was time for me and j to eat terrible food and watch tv and catch up. i have missed him and he always has such great stories and we can talk about work for what seems like and eternity and it is so much better to do when it's just us or we bore others to death!

sunday was also a big day because it was my nana's 93rd birthday! and l got engaged! so exciting and happy for her.

and that was that. i survived and i survived in style...choosing happiness along the way.

this is the day i'm making mine

it seems that autumn is upon us...a welcome change in season. fall is my favorite time in and out of the city. chunky sweaters, sleeping with the windows open, snuggling, wood burning fires, heavier meals, long walks...the list goes on. it's a time when you can say good bye to the heat of the summer and give into relaxation. the world seems to slow down just enough before we begin to hibernate.

i love the wind whipping through my hair and having a light scarf blow in the cooler breezes. it's always a wardrobe challenge in the beginning. yesterday i froze in jeans and a sleeveless top. i had to stop home and grab a sweater before heading out to bk for a night with friends. today i broke out the cords. they feel like pajamas and i intend to get a lot of use out of them.

happy weekend to all! hopefully i will get some good entry to autumn images this weekend to post next week. lots to do and see. next weekend i am off to the south to visit an old friend, which i am so looking forward to. i wonder if the seasons are changing down there yet. stay tuned...

moving on

sometimes you have to do what seems counter intuitive to get through it. there isn't an easy way to pass through hurt. but if you don't and you decide to walk around it instead it's still there.

i talked to k today. everyone said i shouldn't. i am so glad that i did. i was able to have some sense of closure. mourning the loss of a relationship and a future that was planned is difficult, but knowing that a better future awaits is hopeful.

when you spend so much time with someone he becomes your best friend and confidant and knowing that a special friendship is no longer there is hard, but it's not the end of new friendships. it's opening the door and opening my heart to love and using the lessons that i have learned along the way. this one was a big lesson. a lesson in love and loss.

i am focusing on the positive and the future and all that it has in store. it's knowing that i am fine and i am strong and i am me. there is a lot of happiness to come.

evacuate

well, it was fun while it lasted...the storm is forcing us off of the island. headed home to nyc until saturday and then back for a little more beach time, i hope.

we went down to the ocean today and the tide is already up to the dunes. we walked a little and sat a little and now are just battening down the hatches and heading to the city. it will be nice to have a few nights in my own bed.

it's been a time of healing and laughter and i am feeling as though my own storm is passing.

i know you have a lot of strength left...

today was a day of highs & lows ending with highs. l and i went for an early morning walk on the beach with our iced coffees in hand. then i hustled back to the house in order to grab my bag and head back over to the mainland to pick up m, b & d! it was a full house of 4 women, 2 dogs and 1 beautiful baby.

the surf was rough so we stuck bay side today. it was really lovely to wade in the water and just chat. dd and i had another long walk on the beach and then we made a feast of shrimp, scallops and salad. the best part of dinner was the talking and also seeing l freak out about the giant praying mantis fly across the table and smack m clear in the middle of her chest! for a minute i was the strong one.

three amazing women who all have different strengths and have passed their wisdom and kindness along to me. i feel truly blessed. it's rare to be enveloped with such compassion and love.

right now i am feeling very positive and i hope it lasts. i have a feeling that it will. good friends to make you laugh is always the best medicine. there is a feeling of comfort and peace. it's nice to know that i can rely on someone other than myself and a huge lesson learned.

tomorrow is a new day with an impending hurricane. hunkering down for the storm...such is life.