reflection

this weekend was my first back in the city and on my own. i was pretty nervous and prepared myself with lots to do and see.

friday after work i headed straight to acupuncture. a thought i was there for my usual complaint of allergies and was a little shocked when i told her i was dealing with anxiety and panic. she knew just what to do and i left feeling clearer and calmer with another appointment scheduled for this week.

i met up with y & m for a few fashion night out parties in the evening. it was great people watching. i wish i had gotten some pictures...but i am not that brave. i did get a snap of a little boy in his paper bag mask. he was cracking me up. y & m had elvis and gizmo with them. elvis is mugi's aunt and gizmo is her brother. mugi and gizzy will be 4 next week! and yes, we are throwing a bash. that's them in the above picture. and i had to throw one of mugi relaxing with me too. she's the best little companion.

saturday i woke up feeling pretty good and took mugi for a long river walk and then sat at the coffee shop and talked to my neighborhood friends. i have also been doing my own yoga practice on the days i can't make it up to laughing lotus. i usually can only practice for about 20-30 minutes on my own, but i feel like i am improving...then it was off to brunch with c to bar pitti and some good city walking and then nails with d. so nice to see her again. it was a treat and brought me some happiness.

then, this girl needed some alone time. i decided to have a glass of wine at the other room. i sat outside and just enjoyed some solitude. i did meet a nice visiting english man and his long lost friend. when they disagreed on something i was the tie breaker. it was fun to just chat with total strangers and then go back to sitting quietly. saturday night i stayed in and read and listened to music and turned in very early.

sunday i was refreshed and walked up to laughing lotus for a fantastic and VERY difficult yoga class. can you say handstand? i did my first ever! it wasn't very graceful, but i was up there for a few seconds!

at the studio where i have been practicing the class always begins with a lesson of sorts...or something to meditate on. i loved what the instructor did on sunday...she posed a question from jack kornfield...it was, "do you love well." when you first hear it you might just say, "yeah, totally." but if you really ask yourself, which can be scary, you might find that you have had certain reactions or non-reactions that hamper your love. the thought is that the love that you put out into the world you will receive back. i have been so very blessed with a strong group of friends and family. i love them and they love me. even those who are all the way on the other side of the world. so lucky and so happy to know this and i am going to continue to ask myself that question.

i have obviously been thinking about my last relationship quite a bit...i really am trying to focus on all of the good times and whether i like it or not, i am reminded of it often. you can't really choose who you love...it just happens. now it's letting go and letting go gently without anger and i feel like i am doing a pretty good job. i am choosing to love well. it's freeing. it can be painful but in the long run anger will hurt more.

sunday night was time for me and j to eat terrible food and watch tv and catch up. i have missed him and he always has such great stories and we can talk about work for what seems like and eternity and it is so much better to do when it's just us or we bore others to death!

sunday was also a big day because it was my nana's 93rd birthday! and l got engaged! so exciting and happy for her.

and that was that. i survived and i survived in style...choosing happiness along the way.