close your eyes

...and darkness will become light...ah, i just read this on my friend's facebook page and i loved it. it kind of blew my mind. granted he is a total genius and many generations older than me. i saw him last night at his wife's art opening in chelsea. he's a big time photographer, but you would never know it. he was so supportive and proud of his partner and stepped out of the light and into her shadow...

i spent a good deal of time shooting with him this fall. i learned a lot from him. he's an aging hippie with very liberal views and such an interesting take on life. i really enjoy being around people who offer different perspectives and trying to understand where they are coming from...he is incredibly different and in such a good and challenging way.

last night i also spent some girl time with l. it's been so nice to get to know her better over the past year. we met through work under funny circumstances...i was being a terrible brat and she called me on it! i loved that she did that. it's nice to be able to chat about work and also our boyfriends in the same conversation. we both hail from connecticut and had our diamond studs on last night. we are connecticut through and through, but with a twist.

l is one of the core four crafters. we talked about our impending fire island craft weekend. we have to figure out something easy to get out there and fun to do. those gals better pack more wine than crafts!

and here we go for our first long weekend of the summer. k and i have 4 cook-outs. lots of different groups of friends...we were going to head to nj to see jlo's new digs but the thought of battling penn today and monday made me break out in hives. i kind of love the city on holiday weekends. it's so quiet and easy.

cheers to summer and white pants!

how does your garden grow?

i transplanted my garden into cuter pots. the green plastic window boxes filled with water and many of my seedlings were washed away. k and i bought these sweet pots out out in brooklyn. i wish i could remember the name of the store. it was pretty fantastic. i think it was on boerum hill which i have been digging. i have been spending so much more time out there. i am not a convert yet, but i do enjoy it. i have some favorite places now. if you had asked me a year go about places i liked in brooklyn i would have laughed and rolled my eyes and maybe said fete sau

i am pretty proud of my new fire escape garden. i have some lavender, basil, mint...okay, i killed the rosemary. the parsley is going nuts! and then i have a nice little collection of succulents. it makes me happy to look outside and see that little garden growing and to think of me a k sitting on the fire escape planting it together. it was a fun spring project.

i will have to get a picture of mugi smelling all of the herbs. she loves to bury her nose in the dirt. too sweet...that little munchkin.

color me happy

we have been on a cleaning spree in the office...maybe it's spring, maybe it's that we feel hopeful...maybe it's that we feel like if we get it together here we can get out of here? not sure...and honestly, i like my job. where else would i get to work with good friends, travel, and laugh at least once a day?

with the cleaning came the option of painting your office. i took the plunge and went pink! everyone was doing some shade of blue, which is very soothing, but i really wanted a happy color and i got it!

k gave me one of his illustrations which makes the pink seem a little quirkier. my office is kind of, shall we say, eclectic? it just is a collection of stuff and the fact that the office furniture makes it feel like an old bank doesn't help...so, i am rolling with it. the pink is cheery and makes everyone glow.

also attached is an image from this weekend. we went to red hook for a lobster bake for one of k's friends birthday. it was a great day that ended with us at ikea...which was surprisingly fun!

look out for the 90s tomorrow!

summer? is that you?

i am pretty sure that summer is trying right now. it was a damn shame to be stuck at work yesterday and again today...although, my allergies are killing me! i feel like my head might explode and i might give in to an allergy pill. i hate to do it, but i don't feel like i have a fighting chance against the pollen.

so, i have mugi here with me today. she has no shame. she is laying in my office doorway, half in, half out, on her back with her belly exposed. it's too cute, i had to share. she benefited from the office breakfast of eggs, cheese, and bacon. not a bad little breakfast for my half-pint.

i also shared a picture i took walking home last night. i hadn't really been outside yesterday, with the exception of my block and half walk to the gym for lunch. so, i was reveling in the pockets of sunshine and stopping to take it all in. i was also trying to let go of the stress of the day. it was pretty bad yesterday and i tried and leave it all behind, but yesterday was a lot and i don't think it will be much better today...argh. it's going to be a tea and music kind of day over here. luckily, half of the office decided to play hookie...

i am looking forward to being in brooklyn tonight...if only i could be teleported. i can't even think about trying to get out there right now. and my weekend feels pretty booked already. i have been missing my friends...j has been gone for what seems like forever, she has just returned! m is headed to michigan, j and i keep missing each other...he's pretty busy these days, l has lots of weekend plans, dd is in dc, jlo and ahh are in la...and my weekend is packed with plans with k. i am really craving a little friend time.

we shall see...looks like we are in for a couple of nice days.

a flower grows...

in brooklyn...in k's garden! i am not there to witness this...because i have a full time job. it made me smile from ear to ear to see this image in my inbox. we have been watching these bulbs since january when i first went out to prospect heights to see k's new spot. we weren't a couple then...we were like the lily bulb in the ground getting ready to bloom. i remember playing with mugi in the backyard and wanting to hold his hand..i just made myself gag a little...sorry if you just ate lunch...

here come the veggies in the garden! can't wait to have a little urban harvest.

keeping it bright

i had to share the liberty of london (by target) blanket and shams...on a day like today the flowers made me happy. i also needed a punch of color because i was slightly hungover and dying a little on the inside and out this morning...i took a quick pic with the new phone...it doesn't have hipstamatic, but it has fx camera which i am thinking is pretty cool. i used the polaroid feature because the pattern has such a great vintagey feel already.

l was in from la. we met at blue ribbon sushi...which seems to have become "our spot." y'know because we are all a little gay. i love l...she cracks me up but she is also such a good listener and sharer. she has mastered these imperative kindergarten skills.

but really...there was a time when l and i fell out of touch, and i guess 3 years ago we found each other again. i am so glad we did. i wish we lived closer, but it's always such a treat to spend a dinner with her...even if i totally hit the drinking tipping point last night and she kept it together. sometimes we just fall victim to our vices because we need to and a good friend just lets you in a safe space.

work, work

this weekend was so lovely...i went out to bk on friday eve and k and i ordered in...we planned our escape to ct and he made my parents a batch of chocolate madelines...we had a few bumps in the escape plan, such as the 4/5 not operating. ugh! lucky for us a cab came zooming down the street, which was much more civilized.

i have really been trying to embrace the subway system...it's just not me. i wish it was and so does my pocketbook. i just find it crowded, hot, stinky...just not my cup of tea. i know it's a luxury to pop into a cab and it's kind of nice that i work 8 blocks from my apartment and the need for taxis is not all that great.

ct was fun...just the right amount of time. we were exhausted from all of the trains and cars and happy to be back in the wv. k had a long bike ride yesterday while i did some laundry. apparently he is allergic to down. this would usually be a deal breaker for me...but he's just too sweet. i had purchased a liberty of london cotton blanket a few months back and hauled that over to the laundry mat...it was my first night not under down. it's going to take some getting used to. i love the weight of a duvet and have had one my entire life. mugi seemed to love the brightly colored comforter. she was unphased.

anywho...on my walk to work today i saw this truck and thought..."ah, in my next life i will be a playground doctor!" it's sounds whimsical but i am pretty sure it's hard work. i just loved the vehicle...maybe i could be the doctor playground's driver?

girl time

dd and i had a bit of girl time...we went to the bar and sipped vodka sodas and worked on our embroidery. there were a couple of strange looks shot our way...but we also had some admirers. i am still in love with creating something with my hands after a long day of number crunching and key board pounding. and it seems like people get joy out of receiving something home made. stay tuned for images from my latest project. i am also hoping that dd finishes her napkins and place mats so i can post them soon.

k and i are headed to ct on saturday...so that gives me three hours of embroidery time on the train, which is much better than my usual catching up on star magazine time. k is meeting my folks and family for the first time! he is making his gluten free madelines...they are truly amazing. i keep telling him that he needs to sell them...but then again, i think i would like to keep them all for myself.

have a great weekend! the sun is fighting to stay out. i am pretty sure it will win.

finding comfort...

in the uncomfortable can feel freeing...i avoid confrontation. it's something i have worked on for years...i work on it personally, i work on it while talking to a therapist, while walking down the street, while in a cab, at work, at the gym...i work on it. it's never good to bottle something up and i have had my fair share of explosions from not sharing how i really feel. it is not my best trait.

it works for me to take a step back and to process. sometimes i just need to be alone to figure it all out...and sometimes it's just too late once i have worked it out. it all depends on who is involved and what's been said. sometimes the damage is irreparable.

i feel pretty lucky that k didn't write me off when he totally could have and there have been others too. my friend l has a blog and it's kind of comedy and it's kind of tough love...this is one entry that i love:

"Arguments Happen
Like fender benders and constipation, arguments happen. It's normal to call your best friend a worthless piece of fucktrash if she didn't text you back and taking a knife to your husband's Xbox is commonplace, especially if he left the butter out on the counter again.

Flare ups are going to happen in every relationship, it's the handling things like a gentlewoman that's important."

yeah...it's true...and sometimes we don't handle things like a gentlewoman and sometimes we wish we had. and you know what can really be a time/energy suck...analyzing something that might never change...there are times when you just need to let it go and move on.

oh, and fucktrash is my favorite new insult to sling...thanks l!

you can find more of the DFT here: http://www.dailyfuckingthought.com

hello? are you there?

so...getting used to my new fancy phone. k seems to be better at using it than i am. i did figure out how to use Google Sky and we laid in bed looking at the constellations. i'm a total sap and k is too so it all works.

k also took a hilarious video of dd using the new phone while i couldn't even find the camera...not sure i will ever be able to call it anything other than "new phone."

i felt like a cheater leaving my little 4 year old slide phone on the counter this morning. it felt a little sad...but i am hoping that i learn to love new phone just as much. it does take better pictures, has a clearer screen and has ushered me into the touch screen era. we shall see.

i do love the little android guy...he's my new boyfriend...sorry k...no, i have the best boyfriend. we are supposed to feel that way and it's nice to actually feel that way. i love waking up to a rose covered arm thrown over me or grabbing coffee before heading to work. i am feeling pretty lucky these days.

egg in your face

saw this on the way to work and made me stop...just thought it was cute...

it's been a quiet time for the past couple of days, which i have enjoyed. k and i had a super nice weekend just relaxing and spending time together. he has been helping me with the type and illustrations for my embroidery projects.

last night i went to get a pedi and the manicurists were all giggling at me. i had my embroidery hoop and i was working on a hankie for k. they thought it was funny and told me i was like an "old chinese woman." they checked on my progress several times. i have gotten a wee bit faster and neater as well! it was nice to leave my cell phone(s) behind and go all old timey.

speaking of new cell phones! mine has arrived! it is currently charging...it's been charging for over an hour...hmmmm...i decided on the nexus. we'll see how i like it. i really wanted to stay with t-mobile, why? i have no idea...i am a creature of habit and it works internationally. i will be sure to give you the full report once i am up and running.

the addiction continues

craft night was very productive last night. i love that a group of women can get together and work on different projects for hours. it's really amazing to have input from people you trust and we all work together really well. we had our core group of m, l, dd, and me and were joined by ah and her friend (wink), and v too.

dd taught me a new stitch that changed my life. i finished the embroidery on a soon to be pocket square for k. it's the one with the map of the us of a...and his k is in the midwest near fargo, where he is from, and the e is on the east coast near ct, where i am from. there is a little dotted line connecting the two. i made it for a special event that he has...but i have to finish the sewing this weekend. final image to come...

dd is working on a set of napkins for her friend's wedding. you can see her progress in the shot of the polka-dots...she is amazing and so neat! she has become the leader when it comes to new stitches and fixes along the way. l almost finished one place mat for her mom as a mother's day gift...5 more to go! you can do it! and m was working on the sweetest little onesie with owls. too sweet. ah jumped in embroidering a bib for her sister's baby. super cute!

we had a fun night of crafting and chatting. there was some facebook stalking included as well as story telling. i always feel a little, okay, a lot, happier after crafting with the girls. so fun. i needed a some solid friend time after really feeling sad about d & j.

tonight k and i have dinner with m & j and that baby in bk. i love that baby! she is the sweetest little peanut. so glad i got to give her a quick snuggle last night. best baby ever!

enjoy the weekend! looks like we are in for some showers...

just admit it

last night i was wandering home from soho in my flouncy skirt, heels and fedora and felt like i was missing something...the first thing that came to mind is that carrie didn't have her miranda. i know...super pathetic to be referencing sex and the city, especially when that movie (which i WILL see) looks so awful.

it was a difficult thing to feel...and i am not over it. spring and summer used to be when i spent the most time with d & j...and i was thinking of oysters on the river, wandering around shopping, movies in the park, planning the maine trip...just lots of memories...thinking of the good times really made me smile but also hurt my heart.

my heart broke when i broke up with d & j...i love them both very much but was just feeling so badly about our friendship in the winter. and i made a difficult decision that i have to live with. some people say that time heals all wounds...some people say that you are dead to me...some people just move on with indifference. i hope the first is true.

tonight i have crafting with the girls. dd and i made another trip to purl to set her up for her napkin and place mat project. i bought even more fabric for k's pocket squares. i have to get shaking on that. i want to make a ton of them so i can embroider them out in fire island this summer...it feels like it's getting close...4 weeks on the beach...seems totally insane and wonderful.

i am hoping to get a girls crafting weekend going. we shall see. something to look forward to, that and cooking like a crazy lady and piles and piles of books.

singing along

i find myself singing along to whatever i am listening to as i walk to work...i may appear slightly insane, but i think i am...so it's okay by me if it's okay by you. it's the only way to keep people from asking me for directions. i was thinking about it because i love, love, love this lyric, you were so misunderstood back then/but i think i get you now/i think i get you now..

today i have unarchived my mommy drinks look. it feels so good. i love all of my pieces that lend itself to this look. i don't think i can pull it off every day...but once a week brings me such joy. today it's my favorite marimekko skirt with a black t and black heels, diamond studs (they should be larger than i have), and a cocktail ring to top it all off.

i am loving spring...it feels like the first real spring we have had in years. there have been rain showers that have washed my seedlings away followed by cool breezes that require a scarf be thrown on...it's unpredictable and sometimes sad, but there are always happy surprises too.

just one of those days...

that i want to be alone...walking with my giant headphones on and lost in the music somewhere. and really, that's totally fine. the weather is gorgeous and i am wearing one of my favorite slimming springtime dresses. i have a fresh brewed iced tea and the music going in my office. dd and i have our favorite gym class at lunch...so it's all going to be fine and i think the stars agree.

you know when you want to believe in your horoscope? dd and i used to love to read astrology zone. in 2007-2008 we really enjoyed it and then in 2009 susan miller must have had some sort of crisis. i actually think that everyone had some sort of crisis in 2009. every time we read it we both freaked out. d was supposed to be in financial ruins and i was supposed to have crazy health problems...2009 really was not so much fun and maybe it had something to do with the stars, shrug. i was so glad to usher that year out. and i did have some weird health issues...

this morning in my salt bloated stuper i gave in and i read my horoscope...well, it was all good. pretty much all positive. thank you susan miller, we can be friends again. so, today is just one of those days where i know there is a better day around the corner. it's fine, they can't all be good, right?

i'm just going to stick close to the walls today and not put myself too far out there. i am so looking forward to crafting with my ladies on thursday and i guess that c was right, people who have some sort of regular activity planned with friends are 50% happier...also, if you perform 5 random acts of kindness a week you are 40% happier...happier than what, you ask? who knows...just do it...it feels good.

ch-ch-changes

do you notice something new and improved about my blog? look at my header? designed by the ever talented and lovely k. we went through a few designs and i loved this one. it's kind of like earthworms and embroidery all mashed together and it's my favorite color (and k's too!) i got to play client for a day. i was pretty bad at it. it's fun to have a creative boyfriend who makes stuff for me. i cook for him in return. it's the least i can do. he might be getting some new pocket squares this week if i can find the time to sit and sew. sewing has become a nice way for me to relax...

so, this weekend was hot, hot, hot! and filled with lots to do. i needed a breather on sunday. i felt like i had been rushing around and seeing people and hanging out and i just needed to be alone in my own space. sometimes i have a hard time asking for things even though i know how badly i need them. i tend to retreat and become withdrawn...it's not so cute. i don't do so well with confrontation. still working on that one...

i have to remember to choose happiness and know that it's okay to ask for some space and to spend some time with myself. i always end up boring myself in the end and love to be social. it doesn't mean that i don't love everyone...it just means that i need to be alone...i watched father of the bride and sat in the ac with mugi and then took a nap. it was just what i needed.

i get so use to go-go-going that i lose track of what i need. i think it's what led to the adrenal fatigue and my total meltdown this winter. i forgot to take time for me and any time i tried i got sidetracked with trying to help other people....which is great but really you have to help yourself first.

my yogi tea fortune just confirmed my post: "your head must bow to your heart."