so, it's been a difficult couple of weeks. not like life or death difficult just communication difficult. i have found peace with friends and in spending time alone. i have just been questioning everything. which is exhausting and not really necessary when you can't change the past. it has left me feeling a bit threadbare. now i am trying to practice letting go and and feeling what i am feeling but not holding onto it. we shall see.
after a particularly rough day yesterday i climbed down from my bed groggily...even though i turned in at 9:30 and slept until 8am and tried to shake my fear of the world. i turned the music up, i put on my highest heels and then i remembered my big 'ol headphones as i was leaving the apartment. i had packed them away when i went to fire island and i know that these can be a little good medicine for me.
i turned my music way up and headed out the door almost ready to face the world...if it was only a few minutes of contentment given to me by tuning the world out, i'll take it. i guess happiness can be found in doing the things that you love and maybe take for granted day to day...like going to the gym-yeah, you might not love it while you are there but you feel so good afterward or cooking a meal for yourself...i am proud to say i did both yesterday.
let the healing begin.
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