this is what hope looks like...

i had kind of an off night...it's something that i didn't think i would ever write about, but who knows maybe it will help me and maybe even you.

i had some long term friends...like, really long term, that i "broke-up" with earlier this year. it was a really difficult decision and it broke my heart, but i needed to do it. i had tried to have conversations with them about my feelings and i am not sure if we ever really understood each other. and it went both ways. i think we just grew into really different people. this happens...but i never thought it would happen to me.

they were both really angry with me. it's understandable. i left them. i was tired of talking in circles and hiding. i thought we would be better off without each other. i know that the past couple of months have been easier for me and i hope the same for them.

last night i learned that one or both had betrayed some trust. i had to really take a step back. i still kept all of the things these two people had told me under lock and key. i never wished them harm or to disparage them to other friends...i just always felt badly after hanging out with them...not always, but pretty consistently. i guess we deal with this stuff differently.

the thing that i have to remind myself is that i have been feeling better, more myself...freer...able to talk about things, not so edgy, able to laugh with the people that i spend time with. and this makes me happy...do i think about them a lot...yes, i do.

breaking up with people is never easy but sometimes it is for the best and sometimes it becomes clearer over time that you made the right decision...and sometimes the sun comes out at just the right moment.

looks like the city is preparing for a day of lunching outdoors and better days ahead. me too!