peace

I've now been in Ubud for about a week. There is a slow rhythm here. For me it goes something like rising at 6:30, yoga at 7:00, massage at 10:00 (they can cost as little as $8 USD), walking to one of the street stalls for lunch, catching a motorbike home , journaling/meditating...the giant thunderstorms come between noon and 2pm...that's when I nap and then the nights tend to vary.

I have been making a point of going into the village that my house is located in. It is a true village...this is not Ubud tourist district. It is kids running with chickens, wild dogs, men training their roosters for cock fights in the street between 6-8 pm, and women with small food stalls set up. They always seem surprised when I sit on the narrow benches (too narrow for my American ass, if you ask me) and look to see what they might be offering that day. Last night it was some sort of spicy rice and beef satay. I also got a baggy full of soup, both were delicious...no wonder my ass doesn't fit on those benches! Now that I have figured out the food situation I never spend more than $3 a meal and than includes an icy bottle of water.

I canceled my trip to Lombok today. I really wanted to go, but was stressing about the timing. I was supposed to leave tomorrow and arrive back on Sunday and I fly home to NYC on Monday. The flights and boats are notoriously delayed or canceled without warning. The thought of having to pack a bag and move on was just not appealing to me. So, I just hit cancel on the gorgeous beach view hotel room and decided that I will just have to come back! I think I could now knowing how inexpensively one can live for a day.

It's been fun getting to know the staff at the house too. They seem to want to coddle me a bit since I am alone. They invite me to sit with them before they leave for the evening and pick me up extra early for yoga in the morning free of charge. I never want to offend them because I think we have become friends, but I also can see the paralyzing poverty that is here. I always try and press $1 of Rupiah into their hand in a pleasant way. That's a lot of money here. It can buy two full meals for the Balinese.

They all live in the little village just down the lane from my house. They have taught me a bit of Indonesian and laugh when I try to pronounce something and butcher it. Today when I was walking home from yoga with my heavy bag (I take my laptop everywhere, never know where I can get wifi!) I was just approaching the giant hill when two of the villagers/staff rode up on a motorbike behind me and asked me if I wanted a ride. I climbed on the back, being number three, and felt like a local for a moment carrying my banana leaves full of rice and chicken in one hand and hanging on for dear life with the other. One of the other workers wants to take me to the market on Saturday to help me with my terrible negotiation skills. I think I will take her up on that!

So, it's been pretty lazy over here. I think kind of what I needed. I am trying to delve deeper into my meditation practice and working on something called loving-kindness. You can look it up...I have always thought that my empathy was a little lacking. One of the things this practice is meant for is to show goodwill toward all other beings and yourself. I am not sure if I have reaped any of the benefits yet, but maybe soon and maybe it's not about it benefitting me.

I can't believe I have such a short time left...I am trying not to think about it, but instead just working on being here.

I feel blessed that I have found some happiness here. It hasn't been without work. The shopping doesn't make me happy, the yoga doesn't make me happy, the massages don't make me happy...it makes me happy to see myself...even if I just catch a small glimpse each day and to feel that I am independent and strong and I am here all the way on the other side of the world and I am happy.