preparing for departure

It is Friday here and I leave on Monday. I can't believe it! The time has gone so fast. Looking back at some days in the beginning it creeped along and made me anxious. Once I was able to just be I really started enjoying myself.

I have always been content on my own for a few hours or at the most days...but this trip was a challenge. I was so nervous and wasn't sure if I would be okay. I think so much of it had to do with the unknown.

I am fine! I am better than fine! Today I passed a local on the street and he came over to me and said, "Why you so happy?" He really stopped and asked me this. I just shrugged and said, "This makes me happy." He said, " Everyday happy?" and I replied, "I hope so."

I have noticed that the Balinese will make eye contact, but not immediately smile at you. If you smile at them they light up. It is so amazing. When you ride the motorbikes into town they shout out at their passing friends or if someone pulls up behind them that they know they will ride next to each other and chat. This does not make for a free flowing traffic situation, but nobody seems to mind. They just take their time and spend a few moments with a friend. Maybe that is all the time they have. It's kind of nice.

There is just this inherent warmth here. Yes, they are out to make a buck from the tourists, but most of the people are incredibly genuine. Last night I was about to leave the little lane that my house is on and wander into the village when Kadek stopped me. She is the one who makes my breakfast each day, although I haven't been home to eat it since I get up at 6:30 each day to make the early yoga class. She said, "I will take you to my Mother's for pork." And she walked with me and brought me inside and her Mom served me a pork soup. It had all different parts of the the pig in it. (I am pretty sure that her aunt said "anus", I pretended that she was saying delicious in Balinese.) She then made me a little to go bag with the food wrapped in banana leaves. So good. While I sat there Kadek put a baby on my lap. He wasn't interested in me in the least, but it made me feel like we had made a nice connection.

The families live in a sort of compound. Kadek is 27 and lives at home with her mother, father, uncle and his 3 children, another uncle with 2 children and I am not sure, but I think her sister might be married and she lives with her husband's family. I think there might be one other family there because while I was sitting there I met at least 7 children that lived in the house. They all raise them together. It's kind of amazing. Kadek will sometimes be at the house complex where I have been staying with a baby on her hip while she works. She laughs and says, "Not my baby! I am free!" She's very funny and sweet.

So, I have come face to face with being alone for so long and I have found a sense of happiness in the alone-ness...It's not loneliness...It's something very different. I am not saying that I want to live like this forever...I would like companionship and I hope for love in my future, but I know now that I can be alone and be happy too and I feel more ready to be share with someone else than I ever have.

PS. I have been trying to load pictures for days, but the signal is so weak that it only works occasionally. I know what I will be doing at the HK airport for my 4 hour layover!