wherever i might find me...

So, I have been doing a ton of yoga since my return and reading, reading, reading, meditating, loving, searching and finding. Currently, I am reading the Bhagavad Gita. It's tough reading, but so amazingly beautiful.

Laughing Lotus focuses on something each month...sometimes it's mudras, sometimes chanting...this month it is the Bhagavad Gita. We open class with a lesson and then meditate on it for a few minutes.

Last night was about having compassion for yourself. It really hit me. I really beat myself up about all sorts of things...from not giving the homeless man a quarter to texting exes to throwing away a plastic bottle to not making it to yoga to skipping a meditation session to getting to work 20 minutes late to eating fries for lunch...I can go on and on. How about we give ourselves a break and forgive ourselves for these minor lapses?

I started to do that last night. I meditated on apologizing to those around me first and then to myself for beating my heart up. It was a good moment to breathe in and then exhale all of the guilt and sadness that I have created for myself...I felt a little better.

Finding myself is a process. It's not going to happen all at once. There isn't going to be a moment of feeling complete...and to be honest, would you want there to be? Isn't the fun in the journey? Yes, there is pain in the journey too, but it is usually pain that leads to some sort of self-discovery. I have read that when someone is in a state of negative flux they tend to be happier. Odd right?

We are mutable if we allow ourselves to be and if we let go and open up...even just a crack. We are capable of taking risks and often when we change it up the happiness floods in. Try it! Do something a little uncomfortable-a little outside of your wheel house. Maybe walk down a street that's out of the way, try a new class at the gym, book a trip, try a new food or a new restaurant, listen to music instead of watching tv, cook instead of going out, call someone that you haven't talked to in a long time, there are so many things that you can change and that can open you up a touch. I'm working on it...It's not always easy, but the reward feels so good.

Yoga is making me happy. It's making me poor too, but it's a choice. I feel like my happiness is worth so much more than my bank account these days.